Today is my beautiful Brother, Zachary’s 23rd Birthday and the 3rd Birthday he has spent in heaven. It also marks the Zachary Geddis Break the Silence Trusts 2nd Anniversary and the date of our first campaign launch: Keep the Light On.
Every year that goes past, I dread this date – I dread waking up to what should be a celebration of your life to a cold and dark October morning where he is still not with me. Every year on his birthday – I ask followers of the Trust and friends of mine to go and get their brother or sister and just hug them tight, and whilst you do this – think of me.
I have compiled a list of 23 wishes for his 23rd Birthday as a reminder to everyone, appreciate each day as its a gift and never take anyone for granted as you will never know when they may no longer be here.
I wish that I never said no – to anything you ever asked, ever. No matter what it was – the answer should have been yes.
I wish we never fought, even if it was over my contour kit – just take the kit, have it. Wanna watch your TV programme, even though I am half way through mine? No problem at all.
I wish I seen you graduate – you would have been the best dressed and looking human on that stage and I would be the worlds most proud sister to see you achieve your dreams.
I wish I cam home from University more often, to have more iced lattes made for me in the morning and to hear your music rattle through the wall that separated us.
I wish you could see our devastation, the heartache in Mummy’s eyes and the confusion and distress in Daddy’s and know our love will never fade.
I wish people never let you down, thats on them now.
I wis people never called you out for being different – its beautiful to be unique. I hope they realise that now.
I wish we could have grown old together, like we planned.
I wish you could have met Mezziah – he is amazing and I think you would like him.
I wish I could cut your hair one more time, I always panicked doing that, you would have been so mad if I got it wrong.
I wish I didn’t tell you to stop singing in the car, I am not saying you had the voice of an angel, because you really didn’t, but I would do anything to hear that bad singing voice again.
I wish I knew then, what I know now. Maybe you would still be here.
I wish you could meet all the people your story has saved.
I wish we could have one more late night trip to McDonalds in Dad’s van, taking his money from the drivers side pocket. Spending it, then denying it.
I wish I asked you if you were ok more.
I wish I then told you it was ok to not be ok.
I wish I took more pictures.
I wish you could be here to maybe become an Uncle for the first time, that would be amazing, you would have been so great.
I wish you could see the impact you have had on the world.
I wish you could have had your name in lights on your terms and not mine.
I wish I could have told you that I loved you more. Every second of everyday if I had the chance.
I wish I could have held you while you cried, tell you it was all going to be ok and that there is nothing in this world that I cannot fix.
My beautiful brother, Zachary – I wish you were still here.